DIAPER FREE ADVENTURES

Is your kid scared to poop?

2011-05-08T15:58:00.000-07:00

Here he is, in all his 3 year-old glory sitting on the potty with a book. He is now four, but still enjoys sitting on the toilet for a really long time. Sometimes over 30 minutes pass. When I check on him he says he is still pushing. He reads, listens to music, and now, reads books on the iphone. I've known grown men to do the same, so I guess it pretty common to sit on the pot.

It is hard to believe that this little guy used to crawl on my lap when he felt the need to poop and say, "No, no, no," in the cutest and most frightened of voices.

Is your baby, toddler, or kid scared to poop? Mine was. We did all the right things, right? We kept him close, we did elimination communication, we were encouraging, but there is one thing I missed. It hurt. At least it did the first few times, but that was all he needed to know. It was sealed in this mind, Poop = pain.

There was one time that he didn't poop for days. We were traveling and figured it was normal to be thrown off. Everyone had an opinion about it. It was too long. Don't worry about it. Every kid is different. Etc.

And when it came out in a public bathroom in Toronto, Canada, it was so hard and so long that my husband, who had not seen the arduous poops our son endured, cried out loud, "Oh my god! This is insane"

What is crazy is that this is just one of the times that this happened. Looking back, I shouldn't have waited so long before taking action. I would have given him a diet full of stewed prunes and anything else to soften his stools. We stayed away from prunes because of a weakness in his teeth, but it would have saved him a lot of stress if he just pooped without pain.

Do you have stories about poop anxiety? Please do share!

Check out this ancient potty!

2011-05-07T19:40:00.001-07:00

This is in the Agora museum in Athens, Greece. It inspires me to want to write a new "Ode on a Grecian Urn." But I think Keats said it best when he wrote:

What mad pursuit? What struggle to escape?
What pipes and timbrels? What wild ecstasy?

Whether you are doing Elimination Communication or conventional potty training, it helps to have a bit of a chuckle sometimes. Even if it comes with a rolling of the eyes.

Thank you, Greg Allen for the image via his cool blog Daddy Types.

I Remember This all too well!

2011-04-01T11:25:00.000-07:00

Our son could not have been older than one.

I remember that I had a meeting with my funder and a potential client for a new poetry workshop with a group of seniors and my phone was buzzing my my pocket the whole time. My husband was alone with our son in the car. Our son was crying and he couldn't help him stop.

When I left the workshop, I ran to some Upper East Side dead end street to find my husband with our crying son. I took our son, breastfed him, watched him do his familiar squirm and immediately took off his pants and diaper. After a satisfying little poop and pee, our son was as happy as could be.

Alas...sometimes we all feel better after we let it out, no?

We're Not Alone!

2011-03-28T19:34:00.000-07:00

Aha! I was searching for other families practicing Elimination Communication and found this photo! Who are you mystery lady?

Found via Connect In

Potty Chic

2011-03-27T22:18:00.000-07:00

Too bad this sold. But what a throne it is!

Found on etsy.

Welcome Back!

2011-03-27T11:20:00.000-07:00

I've gotten a bunch of hits lately so I have decided to see if I can recommit to this blog. Seems that babies going pee-pee and pooping is of great interest to people. I know that it took up a greater percentage of my brain than I would have liked to admit when our son was smaller.

Well, today he is four-years old. Do I still think about potty training? Yes. It is because, although he is potty trained, he still needs encouragement and help.

I cannot say that it has been a smooth road. Do I regret doing EC? No, I am happy to say that I really loved doing it Except when I hated it. In fact, I was great at it about 80 % of the time, and then...I really stank at it. Not catching the pee-pee or anything like that, but getting upset when he didn't go when I "knew" he had to go. If you haven't addressed any issues of control, then you're in for a trip. I have learned that you cannot control anyone but yourself. But that doesn't mean that I don't, unintentionally, try.

Do you have potty training or EC stories? I'd love to hear about it. Especially if you are willing to "go there" to when it did not work or when you did something that you wish you hadn't.

Woops

2008-02-25T13:58:00.000-08:00

It happened in the dressing room of a store that shall remain nameless. We are heading to Florida to see my grandfather for a few days, so although it was a mild forty degrees outside, we were trying on bathing suits.

I intended to put the suit on over his diaper, but it was too cumbersome. Also, the swimsuit is not supposed to be worm with a diaper so I couldn't tell it it would fit. The whole thing is a bit funny. I would just put him in the pool naked, since it is the same thing if he pees or not, but we will be going to one of those retirement communities where there are strict rules about children and pools.

I had to take off his diaper. When we got to the store, I took him to pee so I figured he'd be fine. I placed the suits in front of his body and decided on the 12-18 month size. A nice design, too-- brown with orange and green stripes along the side.

I put the swimsuits aside and just when I was about to put on his diaper, the word, pee-pee flashed into my mind. Beyond watching baby cues, i.e. squirming, jumping, blowing raspberries, etc, your own intuition is one of the strongest clues as to when your baby needs to go. I often to do listen to this voice because I am often thinking about my son and whether he has to go to the bathroom or not. But this time, I knew it was the real deal.

Before I could stand up and attempt to take him to the bathroom, he was in my lap, peeing onto the dressing room floor! There we were in the small dressing room with a small stream of pee arcing onto the floor!

I dutifully made the cue sound, "Psssss," and then added, "Although we did it this time, we do not go pee-pee on the floor."

Luckily, I had a cloth diaper with me and a few wipes. I cleaned it as best I could with my son squirming in my arm. Mortified is the only word that comes to mind. I realize now what is most likely obvious to others...this whole thing was not a smart idea!

I was embarrassed to tell the nice man working the dressing room, but I did.

"Excuse me. Hi. Sorry to bother you. I am not sure how to say this and I am not even going to go into how it happened...but my son peed on the dressing room floor. No, not a lot, but anyhow...I cleaned it up as best I could. But you might want to have someone mop up dressing room three. I am really sorry!"

To which he replied, "Oh, it's OK. Believe me, we've seen worse!"

This only made me feel a little bit better.

Ego

2008-02-19T17:36:00.000-08:00

I heard somewhere that children are the universal humblers. This is no exaggeration.

After months of working with my son on elimination communication, he went through an intense potty pause. What is a potty pause? It is when your dear baby suddenly stops wanting to go use the potty. It is usually right before a major development like crawling or walking. In this case, my son is cruising like crazy and walking may be coming any day now.

Potty pauses are mortifying. OK, not really. They are blows to the ego and the part of you that feels intense doubt in the face of our extreme diapering culture. It made me want to give up, but also, it hurt the part of me that wanted to prove to the skeptics that not only was I not traumatizing my child, I was, in fact, doing something that was positive and hygienic for my son.

My son would be playing when I would notice the sudden silence. As usual, I would tell him that I was going to take him to the bathroom. I lifted him up and as I approached the bathroom, he would arch his back and yell. I would say, "Ok. No problem," and return him to his small play area. A few minutes later, he would pee on the floor. When I took him to the bathroom to remind him that that is where we go pee-pee, he would arch his back and yell again.

I have learned that I have to not be attached to the results. I am in this for the process and to help my son stay in touch with his elimination needs. In the meantime, I am doing as much as I can to stay in the moment and he is wearing cloth diapers around the apartment (instead of gettng his usual naked time). I am catching less pees right now, but the more I relax, the more we get back in sync.

Waving His Hat in Pee-pee

2008-02-01T17:37:00.000-08:00

My son played with his hat on the living room floor. I remember when I bought this hat at Old Navy in the fall. I thought I would buy Michael all organic clothes before he was born. I still strive for this...but when my mother-in-law showed up one day with a cute striped shirt and yogi-like pants (and told me the price), I could not resist.

Michael was testing how hard he could pull the strings on either side of the hat with his teeth. When he gets more aggressive in his playing, it is a signal for pee-pee.

I picked him up and brought him to the toilet. I held his hands to the side, but just as he peed, his pulled his arms loose and waved the hat in front of the stream of pee arcing into the toilet.

"Michael!" I said, "No hat in pee-pee."

Just as I laughed at how silly that sounded, my son looked at me, smiled, and then threw the hat into the toilet!

Watching Other Babies

2008-01-30T18:50:00.000-08:00

I was doing my childcare shift at the Park Slope Food Coop today. I love this shift. My son plays with a room full of trucks, mini pianos, fake bowling ball pins, drums, and anything else he can reach or put in his mouth. He sits and smiles with other children and is having his first experiences with the word "share."

When he says, "Ba-ba-ba," or "Ah-ah-ah," I take him to the bathroom and wait for him to pee.

The parents leave their children with us so that they can shop or work their shift as well. Today, two babies under the age of 1 year were left with us for over two hours. For some crazy reason we are instructed to not change them. It broke my heart to know that they spent so long in what had to be wet diapers. And that they did not seem to notice or care. This is not a judgment on parents who do not do EC. I know it is hard enough to be a parent without it...but although it seems like more work, it is less work in the end.

It has inspired me to teach a class so that more people at least know about it.

The Stare

2008-01-09T18:24:00.001-08:00

I sat down on the park bench, pulled off my son's pants with one hand, turned him around on my lap, and proceeded to take off his diaper. It was an unseasonably warm day in Central Park and the paths were full of tourists, joggers, and dogs. A beautiful breeze strummed through the bare branches and in the distance was the sound of a drum beat and a guitar.

It had been really cold recently and I was leaving the potty at home more and more often because either it was too cold to put him on (although I am told that you can get potty covers) or I had been too cold to stop.

I decided to hold my son gently between my thighs, my hands supporting his open legs. I figured it wouldn't be too bad for him to pee on the concrete. After all, I had seen dogs pee all over the streets and they pee a lot more than my little son.

We were off to the side and not too many people were coming our way. "Do you have a pee pee?" I asked and made my cue sound, "Psssss."

His answer was to relax his pelvis and legs and stare at the ground. I gathered I would have to wait a moment. I knew his cotton legs warmers would keep his legs pretty warm and for the moment, the breeze had stopped.

I then noticed a woman and her daughter sitting across from us reading a NYC guidebook. The woman had short, bottle blond hair and a heavy frame. The daughter had long hair, braces, and an overly skinny fast food look about her.

"Pssss," I said again.

The woman glared at me, looked at her book, and glared again. In my mind I started a fight...What are you looking at? Huh? What's the big deal?

My son peed in a small arc, hardly wetting the cement beneath us. A moment later, at a nearby tree, a large, furry white dog lifted his leg and peed. It was a heavy stream of smelly hot pee, leaving a large puddle beneath the tree that slowly trickled onto the path. In the fake argument in my mind I said, Why don't you glare at the dog? Huh? He's making much more of a mess than my son is!

"Yofi, Micha'el," I said and squeezed his body close to mine," Pee pee!"

The woman continued to glare at me as her daughter stared off into the sky. I dressed my son, taking deep breaths when he jumped up and down on my lap making the clean and reused diaper slip and slip again from his strong little body.

I decided to talk to the woman, but not in the way I was doing so in my head. The argument in my head is an old insecurity of being stared at as a teen and thought of as the weird one for having different opinions than those around me. Maybe she just looked like that? A dissatisfied middle-aged women who drove to work, sat at a desk, and drove home. Or maybe the son was in her eyes?

With my son dressed in his cute blue fleece pants, bright green jacket, and blue and gray striped hat, I put him in his Ergo and stood to go.

"Do you need any help?" I asked the woman.

To my surprise, she smiled. "Oh no thank you! We're fine."

"OK," I said cheerfully, "Have a great day!"

I lifted my son's hand and said, "Say bye-bye," as I often did in my attempt to teach him to wave.

"You, too," she said, waved and then looked back at her book.

We walked down the long road out of the park. You never know what people are really thinking. Maybe she just thinks that people are awfully strange in NYC...but at least, kinda nice.

Pee-pee Flying Through the Air

2008-01-09T18:03:00.000-08:00

My twenty-two year old sister-in-law came over for dinner tonight. I cooked split pea soup, quinoa-tofu burgers, and mustard greens; I vacuumed the floors; I got down on my knees and scrubbed the bathroom floor., and I even bought ice cream.

When we go to other people's place, Michael wears a diaper. When he is home, we allow him to crawl around bare bottomed. He is almost 10 months now so his little body goes swish swish swish all over the apartment. I try to pay as much attention to him as possible and take him to the bathroom or to the potty when I think he has to pee. However, there are misses, especially when I am occupied with company.

I am from a family that does not mind messes. My sister-in-law is not. I was a little embarrassed the first time Michael crawled under the table, lifted his left leg and went pee pee like a dog. However, she didn't mind. In fact, she giggled.

I joked, "Hey, this EC thing is great...except when people are watching" Then reminded myself to relax.

As we ate dinner, my son said, "Nee nee," his word for food.

I took him out of his chair and placed him on my lap. He ate for a little bit, popped off my boob, and smiled. I smiled back, forgetting this was a signal. A second later, my son peed in a long arc from my lap right behind my sister-in-law's back. It just barely missed her.

"Whoah!" she yelled.

"Sorry," I said, and then cued Michael, "Pee-pee. Psssssst."

He then looked at me and laughed. I can't believe he thinks it is funny to pee!

When I Have to Pee

2007-12-15T14:39:00.000-08:00

I can't hold my pee like I used to. Ever since I was pregnant, when I got to go, I really got to go. I thought this would wear off after I gave birth, but to no avail. I am doing my Kegels, but this has only helped a little.

Today I took my son to the bathroom at the Time Warner Center. He had just woken up a few minutes beforehand. In EC, post-nap is a common time to give your baby a potty opportunity or "pottytunity," as it is sometimes called. I held him over the sink, but he arched his back and said, Neh neh," his way of saying milk.

What had been my slight need to go to the bathroom became a very urgent one. I held my son in my right arm and managed to unbutton my pants and pull them down with my left hand.

I sat down on the toilet...or more, plopped down quickly with relief.

"Neh-neh," my son wailed, "Neh neh."

"OK," I said, "Hold on," and pulled out my boob.

I peed, he ate. I sighed, feeling like such a mom in that absurd what a mom will do way.

Just as I finished, I felt a warm wet sensation on my lap. The first thing I thought of was a fear that my pants were wet and we were not close to home and how cold it was outside. I imagined walking out of the bathroom with pee all over my pants hoping no one was looking. Then I imagined it turning to ice when we walked outside.

I dutifully made the cue sound, psssss, and said, pee-pee. I do this to let him know that I know he is going. This way he will keep associating the cue sound with me holding him over the sink or toilet for a "pottytunity." I did not say, Yofi," though because, as you can imagine, I was not so happy sitting there with my pants down, boob out, and pee on my lap.

However, I understood. Food comes first. When a baby is hungry, they are hungry, and that's that.

When I looked down, I was surprised to see that his pee had actually pooled between my thighs. I simply opened my legs and the pee went right into the toilet! Neither of our clothes were soiled!

Money in the Potty

2007-12-06T15:09:00.001-08:00

I will never underestimate the kindness and generosity of New Yorkers again. Today I was reminded of something crazy that happened back in October when it was unseasonably warm.

I was walking what could be considered Midtown West with my son. I thought he had signaled me that he had to go to the bathroom and so headed into the nearest Starbucks. Their bathroom line was long and I was worried about waiting. I went back outside in search of the nearest corner or stoop at which I could check if my then 7 month old son had to pee.

I took him out of his Baby Bjorn carrier and sat cross legged in the corner entrance of an office building. This was a huge entrance shadowed by scaffolding. I took off his diaper and sat him over his red potty. Nothing. I waited. Still nothing.

I was tired from having walked about twenty blocks. I sat there for a few minutes to just relax with him when a man walked up to me and put a dollar in the potty and quickly walked away. I was in shock at what had just happened. I called after the man to give him back his money, but he was gone. Not a moment later another man walked up to me and put a handful of change into the potty and was gone back into the crowds. This was crazy!

I took the money out of the potty before anyone else could put money inside of it. I realized what I must have looked like. I was sitting on the sidewalk (an old habit left from being a teenager here) with a diaperless baby. I was wearing a black tank top and old black workout pants. The clincher is that I was wearing a red bandana and looked like a young runaway with a baby. Maybe they thought that I didn't have money for diapers. Maybe they thought I was putting out the potty for change. Whatever they thought, I was moved to see that people gave without asking for acknowledgment.

I called my husband and told him what happened. He said that I had to give the money away to someone who needed it. I agreed.

About ten blocks later, my son squirmed in his carrier. I sat down again, this time near the 34th Street Subway stop entrance. This time he went in the potty. I said my usual "Yofi!" As I was looking for his clean diaper to put back on, a woman walked quickly towards me and was about to put a dollar in the potty when she saw that it full full of pee-pee. She said, "Here," threw it in my lap and walked away. I called after her, "Miss! I don't need it!" But she was already half a block away.

I called my husband to tell him what happened again.

"Take off that bandana," he said, "You probably look like a teenage runaway."

I later gave away the money to someone who looked like they needed it. I thanked that powers that be that I am healthy, have a beautiful family, and am priveledged enough to not need it.

Blow out

2007-11-29T15:10:00.000-08:00

Yesterday my son had a blow out. We were in a store looking for some shoes for him when I noticed he seemed fussy and then sat there in his carrier with a pout. I asked the clerk if there was a place I could change my son. I do this now because it is easier than explaining that my son 8 month old son has to go to the bathroom or ask for a bathroom for me and possibly get turned down.

I was showed a clear floor space in the back of the store. I was planning on letting him pee in the open diaper since I did not have his potty. When I pulled off his diaper there was poop in it. Not only that, it was all over his genitals, butt and back. It has been solid lately, but this was watery all over over the place. This is highly unusual. It could have been the introduction of new foods, one of which might not be agreeing with him. Also, he is teething.

I asked for the bathroom and cleaned my son in the sink. The wipes I had in my bag since the summer were dried out. I did not have an extra undershirt with me. He has gone in his diaper only two times since June, so I am not used to this. It made me realize that I am so used to him not going in the diaper that I take it for granted. I don't know how people let their babies go int he diaper and then clean it up for years! People say to me that I must have so much extra time to be doing EC, but it took me a VERY long time to clean his poopy legs, back, and butt. Much longer than it takes me to hold him over the toilet and have him go without any mess on his skin.

As I washed his back, he laughed. I wondered if it was relief at being naked or the silly way in which I was frantically cleaning him. The worst part of it all was that I had to go to the bathroom suddenly and the toilet was out of order!

Waiting

2007-11-19T18:16:00.001-08:00

My son was teething so I fell behind writing about my EC adventures. This is the first night in weeks that he is asleep and I have the time to sit down and write about what has been going on.

My son can now tread, sit up on his own, and stand while holding onto something or someone for support. What is amazing is that he pees so much less than he used to pee. He used to go at least four times after every feeding and now it is more like once or twice. Also, I used to have to rush to the potty or bathroom as soon as he woke up, but now he can wait at least ten to twenty minutes before going.

In fact, there are times when he signals me when we are walking down the street and I ask him to wait and he actually waits! In the summer, I used to just plop down on the nearest stoop and have him pee in the potty when I thought he had to pee. But now that it is cold, it is a whole different story. There is the snowsuit factor and sometimes pant to reckon with as well. And it is cold! I leave the potty at home because the shock of the cold plastic is too much for my son.

This afternoon, I was walking down 34th Street and he started to push my chest and try to writhe his way out of the carrier. I asked if he could wait until I found a place for him to pee. Mind you, he is 8 months old. But I believe that babies are able to understand everything. Their expressive skills are still developing, but I think their receptive skills are pretty sharp.

It took us about ten minutes to find a Starbucks. No Starbucks have changing tables (which is odd since moms and families with babies go to Starbucks all the time). I manage to take off his fleece outfit and pull off his pants while standing up and balancing his body on my shoulder.

As soon as I took his diaper off, he peed right into the toilet. There were a few sprinkles on the edge, but no more than the average mess that most people leave. I cleaned it up and put his diaper back on. Sometimes I reuse a diaper so much it wears down and tears.

Nighttime

2007-10-02T05:14:00.000-07:00

At 2:22 AM, I felt a small leg kick my stomach. A few minutes later I felt his other leg. I tried to ignore it, but within seconds I heard the sound of my son moving from his back to his side, grunting, and then moving to his other side. I put my hand on his belly. "Shhhhh," I said to soothe him, but he continued to toss. He was not really asleep, but not awake either. A half state of being uncomfortable, but exhausted.

I slid my finger into his diaper. It was warm and wet. I got up and grabbed a Seventh Generation diaper from my side table and changed him. He staid asleep, but as I lay back down and he opened his eyes and reached for my breast.

An hour later, I heard him scratching against his diaper. It made a terrible sound that I can't ignore. I took his hand off his diaper thinking maybe it is a mistake of some sort. Maybe he has an itch? Then I heard him pull at the fastening strip and making his long "ehhhhh" sound.

I searched for my glasses, put them on, and placed my son on the potty that was next to the bed. To my dismay he started to cry. Was it because he was not actually awake and the sensation of suddenly sitting up and hearing me whisper my "pssssss" sound startled him awake? Probably. After this, he was awake for an hour.

(I am still learning the art of practicing EC and am no expert. Part of the reason I am doing this blog is to process this experience, so I hope that when you read this you do not get turned off by EC. EC is an amazing practice, but it has it's challenges.)

There are many different theories on what to do if you baby wakes up at night. Ignore them, pretend you are asleep, prop a bottle, tell them firmly, "It is time to go to sleep..." etc. I have tried to ignore him and have said in my most stern voice, "sleep," but the truth is that when he is awake, I am awake. Period.

My husband and I talked about making the most of it when this happens, so after my best effort to help him fall back asleep, I put him in his wrap and went for a walk. "Nothing soothes a baby more than nighttime air," my mother said, but if anything, he was excited to see all the action taking place on Broadway that late at night-- garbage trucks speeding down the street, drunk friends holding each other other up, all night deli workers smoking on milk crates, etc.

I ended up at a deli and bought the healthiest thing I could-- a whole wheat bagel and ate it at 3-something in the morning. I studied nutrition and I KNOW this was not good, however, it worked it's magical powers of keeping me sane.

It is not necessary to practice EC at night if it does not work for you. Christine Gross-Loh, author of The Diaper Free Baby wrote me an email explaining that if EC is disrupting to the mother then to discontinue it. My baby will still get the point.

However, I realized a few nights later, when this cycle continued, that my apartment is unusually dry. My son gets thirsty, eats, and then tosses because he has to pee.
So...I still have to wash the mold from my humidifier. In the meantime, I am just changing my son's diaper a few times a night and napping more than I ever have.

The Mirror

2007-10-01T15:15:00.000-07:00

My 6-month-old son lay on my lap sucking on his toe. I was reading a post on the Diaper Free forum when I felt the urge to go to the bathroom. My husband was out so my only option was to take my son with me to our small bathroom and put him down on the mat. At home I keep him bottomless so that there is less upwrapping when I catch his pees and poops.

Just as I was finishing, I saw that he had an odd look on his face. A look that one might mistake for deep contemplation if he were older. His deep contemplation, however, is him realizing that a poop in coming. His face got a little reddish and a stillness overcame him. I knew I didn't have much time. I quickly lifted him up over the sink and made my pooping sound. (I put the front of my tongue on the edge of my lips and push my breath and spit over it...yes, it sounds like a fake fart a school boy would make to get a laugh.)

He looked into the mirror and furrowed his tiny eyebrows. The look of concentration deepened. I smiled, but he didn't take any notice. "Caci," I said.

I hold both legs with my hands so that they are spread apart and his backside rests against my stomach, his head on my chest. When he was a few weeks old, before we got the potty, we only used the sink for doing EC. It is a standard place to take your baby to go...if you don't mind cleaning your sink a lot. (We have a sponge and a strong cleaner right next to ours.)

Michael started to push. I could see his stomach harden and soften as he squeezed. I repeated the signal to let him know that I was ready when he was. I was amazed, yet again, at how aware he is of his bowel movements and what sphincter control he has. As he pushed, I looked at our portrait in the mirror -– a 34-year old woman with a messy ponytail and a bad nursing bra that pokes through the top of her brown blouse and a 6- month old boy wearing a blue shirt with blue cars and planes on it making a serious face, his cheeks reddening, and his bare bottom and legs hanging over the sink that I have never liked – the white/beige/salmon color in the shape of a large seashell.

I could see in the mirror the poop beginning to come out. I will not go into more details about it…I will just say that when he was done, he smiled into the mirror. I smiled and kissed his cheeks. He looked into the mirror and then turned his face up to see me, laughed and then looked into the mirror again.

check out these videos

2007-09-28T05:00:00.000-07:00

These are links to a CNN, Fox2 News, and MSNBC news stories about EC. Apparently, there is a serious movement. Excuse the pun!

MSNBC

CNN

FOX2 News

Restaurants & EC

2007-09-21T15:41:00.000-07:00

I don't go out to eat often. Even before my son was born. My husband and I went out maybe once every two weeks to an inexpensive veggie place. Now we eat out even less and it is usually because my husband has been working so hard and needs a treat.

The other night we went to one of our favorite spots, Ozu. The have delicious croquettes made of kasha, vegetables, and millet with a sweet tofu dressing on the side. However, eating out is not what it used to be. (Duh, says the voice in my head that is my mother, you have a child now!)

I want to address for a moment how challenging EC can be. In many respects that is why I started this blog. It seems that often in our culture if you do something controversial, alternative, political, or just different, you are not allowed to admit how hard it can be because it is your choice, right? You made your bed, now sleep in it. I have learned, though, that all journeys have challenges. Even if you do things the convenient or easy way, in some other way, it can be or will become challenging.

This is to say that as soon as my husband and I sat down at Ozu with our beautiful son, he became fussy. Michael had a full feed before we got to the restaurant. Therefore, he had four pees coming. Three to go...

When our food came, I took a bite of my croquette and I saw Michael kick his legs, look at me and make a sound that is similar to a horse whinny. I knew he was telling me that he had to go. Although my husband will help with the EC if I ask him, it is mostly agreed upon that if we are out, I will take care of it because the bathrooms are often hot and cramped and I am better equipped to handle the chaos of having very little room.

Now I could ignore my son and say, Hey, I am eating! Let him wet himself!

This would be normal. This would also prove that the diaper is more for me than for him. As Brazelton might put it, it "liberates" me. (Brazelton is the doctor who pioneered the current theory of potty training. Yes, theory. He encouraged mothers to wait until children were "ready" which is a nice thought, but children are in diapers until they are over three years old and often have bed-wetting problems. Also, he has an interesting and close relationship with diaper companies. Hmmmmmmm.)

It is important to me to respond to my son's needs. He is a baby after all. I believe that the more his needs get met, the more secure he will be.

I took a bite of the yummy croquette and walked my son to the bathroom. Michael is six months old and has sturdy legs. He likes to stand at the edge of the toilet and go pee in there. It is really cute since he is so little and so big at the same time.

I had to take him to pee two more times during the course of the meal. By the time I actually started to make headway into my food it was getting late and my son had to eat and go to sleep. That night, as I rocked my son back and forth in the carrier, my husband said, "Sorry. Is there anything I can do?"

"Yes," I said, "Get this wrapped up to go. I'm eating this as soon as our son falls asleep."

(You can say, Hey lady, stay home... but this also happens during our dinners at home. The main difference is that I have a potty near the table. Despite what some may think after reading my subway entries, I do not use the potty in restaurants. If there is a bathroom close by, I will always opt for that).

EC takes commitment. It is not convenient. It is not always easy and people who don't know about it have a lot of negative things to say about it. But is it worth it? Yes. My son and I communicate on a very intimate level. And he does not cry that often or for that long a period of time. He is smart, clean, very responsive, and completely rash free.

Gut check questions

2007-09-21T12:34:00.000-07:00

Why are people OK with a dog pissing in public but not a baby?

(When I am out and about, my son only pees in the potty. I dispose of the pee in a sanitary way. My son's pee does not smell. I can get non-family testimonials. Dog's pee smells because most of their food contains doggy by-products.)

Normal? To teach your child to go to the bathroom in their clothing and to then sit in it for hours on end (diapers are an article of clothing, no?) for two to three years and then tell then that it is time to stop? This is called training.

Or...to respond to your child from the beginning of their lives and teach them to be in touch with their elimination needs...

The Subway Again!

2007-09-17T11:24:00.000-07:00

I took a break for the high holidays, but now am back!

My husband and I went to Williamsburg yesterday to get some coffee at Verb and some vegan wings at Foodswings. The L train was moderately crowded with no seats left in which to sit, but not too many people standing. In these situations I do not do EC. I am too embarrassed to take my son out of his carrier, unclasp the potty from my book bag, pull off his little gray sweatpants, open his diaper, lift him over the red potty and say, "Pssss. Pee-pee" into his ear.

Let me take a step back...I realized that unclasp the potty from my book bag might not make any sense. I carry the potty everywhere! I used to put it in a plastic bag and hang it from my compression straps. The potty would bounce and sway as I walked and was a true annoyance. Also, after using the potty, I would empty the contents and then put the potty back on the bag. The next time I would go to take the potty from the plastic bag, it would be wet and the inside of the bag was damp with pee. I had enough! My husband, who is a genius in every way, made a hole with his jackknife on the bottom right side of the potty, installed a thick a key ring, and attached it to a cheap mountain climbing clip. Now the potty is outside of my bag and doesn't bang or bounce at all. It dries by itself and is really easy to take off the bag. I feel like an EC poster child with my potty hanging on my bag like a bright red flag saying, "My son is six months old and he sits on the potty!"

Back to the subway. Our son made his signal. He grunted and kicked his legs and started to babble. The babble sounds like, "Da Da Da- Blah," but I imagine it might have meant, "Hey, I got to go!"

My husband looked at me.

I said, "I usually don't do it on the subway if there are too many people."

"Why not," he asked.

"Not enough room and... I get embarrassed." I realized that I as I said it that being embarrassed is one of the bigger humps of doing EC. That you've got to get over what other people might say or think.

"I'll help," my husband said.

Together we stripped our son and put him on the potty. He looked so little there with his naked legs and tiny tube socks, his baby blue hat and matching hooded sweatshirt. He banged his legs rhythmically and stared at the lights in wonder. Together we said, "Psssss. Pee-pee."

He didn't go. There are lots of times that I get the signal wrong. It is hard to tell what is the signal and what is them just having fun. It is hard to not be disappointed when I am wrong. I tell myself, At least he knows that I am responsive.

We were at First Avenue and were getting off the next stop. I had a couple of minutes before we had to pack it up and get ready to get off the train. I leaned into his cute ear and said, "Don't be embarrassed. Go pee-pee if you have to."

I don't know if I said it for him or for me, but a second later he peed...and peed...and peed one of the biggest pees I have seem him make right into the potty. No mess. No smell. No one even noticed. If they did, they didn't say anything.

We both said with delight, "Yofi" and laughed. We even got off the train without a hitch.

The book "Diaper Free" gave me the confidence to do EC, but I wonder if someone should write a book called "Urban EC." It would be about plotting out every public restroom in New York, making note of open office lobbies in the winter, carrying a potty with you everywhere and by god, sitting your baby on a potty on the L train with the Hipsters and the Hassids looking out the sides of their eyes...and smiling.

Poop

2007-09-11T17:53:00.000-07:00

Beleive it or not, my son has pooped in his diaper only once in the past few months. This has gotten easier to do since he hit about three or four months old. When he was a newborn he pooped practically every hour!

When he was about four weeks old we took a trip to Toronto. My sister-in-law had given birth to her third daughter and asked us to come to the baby naming service. When we set out in my father-in-law's old Jeep Cherokee, I didn't know what we were in for. We had been doing EC for only a week and a half and were adjusting to having to stop all the time no matter what we were doing to take our son to the bathroom. We used the bathroom sink as his potty, but on this trip, we didn't have that option.

I was in the backseat with Michael and my husband, Uri, drove. Despite the fact that it wasn't "safe" to take my son out of the carseat, if he needed to eat I took him out and fed him. He was too young for a bottle and to sit there and let him cry and starve was not an option. I would say, "Out of seat!" And my husband would drive with extra caution.

After each feeding Michael slept for about one hour and then would awake grunting and squiming.

"Caci," I would say to Uri, "Stop at the next rest stop."

The first few hours he would pull over at formal rest stops and I would rush to the ladies room to take off my son's diaper and hold him over the toilet. If I got too tired to stand, I sat backwards at the edge of the seat and placed him in between my legs.

We were doing great catching his caci's, but it was taking us WAY too long to get to Toronto! The next time we had to stop, my husband just pulled over to the side of the road where there was a nice grassy shoulder and although it was a little cool outside, I held my son over the grass and let him go there. Since this was near the beginning of Michael's life, going caci was still a bit of a strain for him. Each time he had to go, he grunted and then yelled before pushing it out. This was the beginning of us getting looks for practicing EC. This was also the beginning of me learning to smile when people stared at us and no matter what saying, "Yofi!" when he didn't go in his diaper.

Subway Potty Time

2007-09-09T18:29:00.000-07:00

On Thursdays I take my son to the food co-op. This is an hour train ride from the Upper West Side of Manhattan to Park Slope, Brooklyn. This past Thursday I left my apartment early in the morning with my son sleeping quietly in his carrier and a rickety shopping cart in tow.

There were about six other people on the train, all of whom were nodding off or playing Solitare or Tetris on the cell phones. I was sitting in the corner comfortably taking up two seats. My shopping cart was folded and leaned neatly against the wall and my son was sleeping soundly. The train lurched around a corner making the worst screeching sound. My son squirmed, opened his eyes and pouted. I said, "Shhhhhh. It's OK," and offered him my breast hoping that he would go back to sleep.

He turned his face away and stared me down as if to say, "Can't you read my mind?"

I took him out of the carrier and kissed his cheeks wet with sleepy drool. He smiled, kicked his legs and said, "Da-da-da-hmmmmm"

This is one of his signals that he needs to go pee-pee. "Oh my gosh," I thought, "What am I going to do?" I looked at his potty and then looked at him. I knew we had about 25 minutes until we reached our stop. I thought, Do I do it here? And felt a rush of embarrassment and fear.

There have been times on the train when it was really crowded and I said to him, "I see that you are signaling. If you have to pee, just go in your diaper. Ima [Hebrew for mother} can't take you to the potty right now." But there was hardly anyone on the train. I took a deep breathe and thought about how being a mother has taught me to be less shy. Breastfeeding was one thing I had to overcome, but doing the EC is a whole new level of letting go of embarrassment, shame, and just doing things that may get you a nastly look or kicked out of wherever you are.

I took his potty out of the plastic bag hanging from my bookbag, put it on my lap and took off his diaper. There he was...my son half naked on the 2 train speeding beneath Brooklyn streets. A far cry from being in at home or in a park. I sat him on the potty and made my cueing sound, "pssssss."

I looked to my right, not one person was looking at us. "Psssssss," I said into his hear.

He leaned forward, bounced his right leg up and down against the potty and after a few minutes did a good sized pee-pee. Again, I looked to see if anyone was looking, but not one person stirred. I later told my hudband that in New York you have to rely on the fact that many people are too self-absorbed to notice you...even if your 5 month old son is peeing in a bright red potty just a few feet away!

telling agnes about EC

2007-09-07T14:09:00.000-07:00

Today in the bathroom at the Delecorte Theatre in Central Park a woman watched me clean my bright red potty in the sink. I had just been given strange looks by another mother earlier that day when my son made loud farting sounds and went caci under a tree by turtle pond so I was prepared for another look or even slight scolding. Instead, she asked, "Are you doing EC?"

"Yes," I replied with delight.

"Can you tell me about it?"

I walked with her and her cute 10 month old and hungry 3 year old and had a great talk all about my experiences with EC.

I never would have thought that I would have anything to teach about this. Especially back when my son was 3 and a half weeks old and I sat him at the edge of my sink and went, "Psssssss...." and nothing happened.

I explained that one of the most important things to keep in mond is that doing EC is not about traing at all. It is about paying attention to your baby and taking action. It does not even haved to be all or nothing. You could just do it every time she wakes up or look out for a few after feedings.

I also told her about some of the cues to look out fo. I will recap them here:

pee-pee
- squirming
- going off the breast while eating
- arching back and crying
- staring at me with intensity as if I should be able to read his mind
- kicking his legs and making a baby horse sound
- tugging at his diaper (I love this one)
also...
-after waking up
-practicing crawling or any exersion

caci
- red face (believe it or not, they are actually pushing)
- grunting
- sudden annoyance

I am sure there are other more subtle signals, but I can't think of them right now.

Alas, as I was writing this, my son starting squirming on my lap. He is only wearing a cute blue t-shirt that says, "Airplane" and the rest of him is, yep, bare.

I said in a sing-song voice, "Do you have a pee-pee?"

He smiled with his toothless mouth and laughed. It was irresistable. I asked the same question again,

"Do you have a pee-pee?"

His eyes lit up. He kicked his legs and laughed, "Leh leh leh."

I got so involved in the joke that I forgot I was actually asking a serious question and so after doing this a few times, I said, "OK, I am gong back to my blog."

A second later I felt a warm wet patch form on my leg.

I looked down at him and asked, "Did you have a pee-pee?" To which he cracked up! I can't believe the sense of humor this kid has. I said, "Oh! A pee-pee!" in a duh sort of voice and picked up his potty from the floor. I made the sound, "Psssss..." and he finished his pee-pee there. "Yofi!" (Hebrew for great!) I said with glee. This is what my husband and I say when he does a pee-pee inthe potty or the sink, "yofi!"

short intro

2007-09-06T19:30:00.000-07:00

The general idea of EC is the beleif that all babies are born with the knowledge of their elimiation needs. It is up to us to pay attention to them, communicate with our children, and take them to some sort of potty when they need to go. It is not early potty training because there is no training. It is a close observance of your child and teaching them that when they communicate with you that you respond.

I have been doing this with my son since he was 3-4 weeks old. He is now 5 and a half months old. This blog will be my attempt to explore and record the adventures of doing EC. Since it is a new/old method, a lot of the literature is about how positive it is. (And it is!) However, practicing an ancient and eastern technique as a modern mom in New York City has its challenges. Alas, humor and the ability to not care what anyone thinks are key!

About the "Elimination Communication" blog

2007-09-04T19:08:00.000-07:00

This blog is going to cover the ups and downs of "Elimination Communication" or "EC" as many mothers call it. I will cover daily adventures as well as include educational writings. Most entries will be short, though, because I am a new mom after all!